


the flowers growing in my lungs

by koffeebean



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to other sites, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, I make Catra out to be mean but I love her don't worry, I spell Sea Hawk as Seahawk because it makes more sense, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Slow Burn, those parts are from Adora's POV after she left the Hoarde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-12-30 14:20:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18316991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koffeebean/pseuds/koffeebean
Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, they will then proceed to throw/cough up the petals. The infection can be removed through surgery, though the feelings disappear along with the petals. If they choose not to get the petals removed, or if the feeling is not returned in time, then the patient’s lungs will fill up with flowers, and will eventually suffocate.---The ruler of Salineas didn't get sick. She just didn't. How could a ruler of a troubled land be sick when her people needed her? She tried to tell that to the petals in her sink. The pink flowers of a tulip, sometimes the redder petals of a rose. Sometimes it was even the golden marigold’s flowering leaves.Mermista tried to keep it under wraps, she tried to keep it hidden, but it just kept getting in her way. Her love for Adora was going to end her. She was eventually going to discover the petals and their meanings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I finally wrote something (yay!). I've already this entire fic written out and finished bc I know how I am with sticking to longer subjects - if you're new to my writing and don't follow me here or on tumblr, hint: I'm very bad at it...
> 
> Now, I know that this is just over 15k words… but like - this took me well over three months to write. Some of the reasons are because of the one above, and also just because I can't write much more than maybe 7k fics at a time and that's if I'm lucky and motivated to something. I've probably got the attention span of a goldfish.
> 
> Keep a note - this is probably terribly written and rushed, but I did my best. This is the longest fic I've managed to finish, and it was a lot to write for me, even if it may only be a small word count for most. I'll probably get the second chapter up on Monday next week :D
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!

_ you made flowers grow _

_ in my lungs _

_ and although they are beautiful  _

_ i can't fucking breathe _

 

-

 

 

Mermista stared down at her sink, trying in vain to choke some air into her lungs. It caught in her throat, making adrenaline spike through her before she tried again. 

 

Inhale.

 

Exh-

 

She coughed again, a violent shudder that wrecked through her body. The sputtering continued for several minutes before dying down, a single petal falling into the sink to mix with the others.

 

A golden marigold petal this time.

 

The flowers often fell, usually with delicate pink tulip petals, or even the red petals of a flawless rose. Marigolds with light orange and yellow tints carving around the edges and through the leaf’s veins were rarer, suiting their name by looking almost golden. Like the crown of their creator. Their unrequitement. 

 

She Ra.

 

Another coughing fit threatened to break through, but Mermista smothered it down with what energy she had left. She had to. There was going to be a diplomatic meeting with the Princess Alliance on current rebellion affairs in an hour. 

 

In all honesty… she  _ really _ didn't want to go to it with how ill she felt, but her kingdom and the alliance needed her. The people needed her.

 

But there was an illness the sea queen had caught. It wasn't  _ contagious _ , no. It was only caused by the victim’s own feelings for another. One that caused the victim to be subjected to flowers growing in the lungs, awaiting for their painful release into the world. 

 

It was a disease caused by love.

 

Unrequited love.

 

The Hanahaki Disease.

 

She knew as soon as she felt the first sign of tingling in her chest that she had caught it. When she blushed at the tall form of She Ra standing before her, clad in armour and a sword that saved her kingdom by repairing her city’s means of defence. Then She Ra transformed back into the girl who went by the name of Adora and graced her with a large grin, knowing that she had done good, and placed herself in a good spot with the sea queen.

 

It was then she felt the first signs. The first tingle of growing flowers.

 

It was just before the prom that she had coughed up the first painful petal. A tulip petal. A light baby pink and innocent as it stared up at her.

 

From that moment on, every breath  _ scraped _ across her pained throat, the air filled worn out lungs, and her chest became exhausted from the almost constant coughing.

 

It was in the bathroom at the princess prom that the first person had found out about her weakness.

 

Seahawk had heard her coughing and pained cries so he had rushed in to help, only to find tears streaking down her face as she looked dead ahead at her reflection with resigned eyes, a single rose petal sitting in isolation on the white marble counter beside the sink.

 

Red against white. A perfect but painful contrast.

 

He had hugged her, because he knew exactly what the petal had meant - the small flower baring more meaning to the world than it itself probably knew.

 

Seahawk had seen first hand what the Hanahaki Disease was. He had caught it for a solid month when he first met Mermista, before he decided to finally get the budding flowers removed. As the disease would last for usually two months before turning fatal, he was cutting it close. 

 

Mermista could only imagine the pain he must have been in.

 

Sure, Seahawk still loved Mermista, but not so much that he would wish the disease upon himself. Now though, he loved her in a more platonic way. A way that he made sure she knew how truly good and amazing she was, even if he made himself out to be a goofball, and covered it up with laughter and jokes. If he made others smile at his lighthearted antics, then that was a definite bonus - but his main goal was only wanting Mermista to smile and be happy.

 

That was why he took the news of her disease so hard.

 

Removing the flowers took an operation, but it was almost always successful. It took only an hour, but once the flowers were removed, so were the feelings. You could never feel romantic love towards that person again - no recorded case proved otherwise. 

 

Once removed, the flowers would wither and die within only a few minutes, unless specially preserved.

 

Love was precious, and so were the petals.

 

If not removed, the vines and flowers would continue to grow and smother your lungs, depriving them space for oxygen. It was a slow and painful way to die, but some people didn't want to let go of their feelings, instead opting to die with them.

 

In a few cases, the roots and vines grew so large that they would strangle your lungs from the inside, collapsing them before you could realise what was happening... that was only rare though. Mermista knew she had a better chance of running out of breathing space than being strangled by an array of flowers.

 

Seahawk sat in the bathroom with her for the rest of the time that prom lasted (until is was being blown up, that is), listening patiently as Mermista confided in him. She explained her situation, explained how she  _ knew _ Adora couldn't love her back, otherwise she wouldn't be hacking up flowers every minute.

 

As Mermista looked into her bathroom mirror, she watched her eyes beg to shed more tears, but she refused them that right.

 

She couldn't look washed up in front of her council. Not now, when the Hoarde was becoming more powerful. Not when the alliance needed her the most. She pushed back from her sink and turned away, leaving the petals behind. She needed to be strong, and she needed to be there for her people.

 

“For the people,” she whispered as an encouragement that only half worked, finally pushing open the door and exited the bathroom, making her way towards her palace’s exit. Seahawk was waiting for her outside in his new ship (he burned the last one  _ again _ ) and she couldn't keep him waiting forever. 

 

She left, ignoring the uncomfortable tickling in her lungs. 

  
  


~~~

  
  


Adora was worried about Mermista.

 

All throughout the meeting she looked as though she was going to faint, as if she had barely an hour of sleep if any. She had dark circles under her eyes, and despite her efforts and well... she just looked plain  _ tired. _

 

She looked ill.

 

Every once in a while she would start to cough, but managed to smother it down for Queen Angela to continue from where she had patiently paused. Adora could tell that the queen was concerned. Heck, everybody at the table looked worried, but almost twice as much as Adora herself felt.

 

Was there something that she was missing? Some important detail that she had missed?

 

Was there some sort of fatal mermaid illness doing the rounds?

 

…She just didn't know.

 

Adora glanced up for probably the hundredth time in the past hour to glance at Mermista - only to check on her - but all she saw was the same tired face, trying to pay attention to what Queen Angela despite the clear discomfort she was in.

 

“Adora? Do you have any inputs?”

 

Adora shot her eyes up to the Queen who was waiting for her answer, bless her patience. Starting to sweat, she saw out of the corner of her eye that Glimmer was glancing between her and Mermista. Grimacing, she made a mental shrug and shook off the niggling sensation that something was wrong, if Glimmer’s looks were anything to go off.

 

Now the meeting? ...Adora had no idea what the meeting was really about, she was far too concerned about Mermista and her coughing to pay any attention. Oh damn…  _ just say anything. _

 

“Yeah... what would happen if we defended for all towns and slowly backed away the Hoarde?”

 

Glimmer smacked a hand on her face beside her.

 

“Adora-” Angela looked physically pained as she cut herself off. She took a breath and continued. “We aren't talking about the Hoarde.”

 

Oh.

 

“Um…” that was embarrassing. Adora waved a slight hand. “Continue then.”

 

Angela gave her a  _ look.  _ The one she always gave Glimmer when she wasn't listening during a meeting and everybody knew she was daydreaming, so much so that Angela would ask her a question to get her head back in the room. “It's on relearning the language of the first ones. I remind you what I had asked - would you suppose we could learn from your teaching?” 

 

Teaching? Adora? Nope, that was a no. 

 

Adora remembered the hatred that the entire Hoarde cadets and trainees had for their overseers and trainers. Heck, the hatred even bonded a few of them and made them into friends. Mutual hatred was a great thing to bond for - a good thing for the hater,  _ not _ for the hated. 

 

Adora stalled slightly, hoping Angela would take her hesitation as a hint, and get the idea that she was no teacher- “Well… it just came naturally to me. I don't even know how I can read it.”

 

That was a no go, even for the Rebellion, although seeing the disappointed looks around the table made her confused. How could somebody be disappointed that they weren't going to be told what to do? Besides, she hadn't exactly  _ lied,  _ per say. Reading the ancient writing had just come naturally to her. She honestly didn't know how to explain it to others, or where to even start  _ and _ make sense at the same time.

 

Despite Adora’s answer, the meeting continued onwards with Angela informing the Alliance what they  _ did  _ know about the first ones technology, but Adora had gone back to her previous lax state about being concerned about Mermista.

 

Mermista was barely in the room, mentally. She looked further off than Glimmer was. Glimmer was only tuned in when there was a chance she could actually do something, which was more often than not these days… but today was all about information she already knew. Hence, the drifted state that Adora was comparing Mermista to.

 

Mermista didn't know this topic so normally she'd look bored, but tuned in at least. Not today, some reason was behi-

 

Suddenly, Mermista's hand shot to her mouth as she was assaulted by a sudden coughing fit. Her coughs seemed to wreck her body, and it looked pure  _ painful _ . When she brought her hand away, Adora caught a quick glimpse of something golden resting upon her hand, almost glinting in the light that the sun was casting in through the tall windows beside them.

 

Mermista's eyes shot up to hers across the table, before she suddenly stood up, knocking her chair askew. She left the room is such a hurry that Adora couldn't even process what the golden object could have been.

 

The door closed with a thud, and for a moment the room was completely silent. A pin could be heard if it had dropped. Adora stared at the door in utter confusion.

 

Eventually, Seahawk was the one to break the silence with an awkward cough. “I should probably… go see if she's alright.”

 

Most surprising of all, Queen Angela dismissed him with a vague hand wave, and the lull of the meeting continued. Adora stared in shock at the queen.

 

She- she let  _ nobody  _ leave her meetings. Not unless the castle was under attack.

 

How was Seahawk so easily dismissed? With a  _ hand wave _ , much less?

 

Adora was about to ask her what was going on with Mermista, about how she looked ill, about how she was so ill that Seahawk was permitted to leaving the meeting  _ with a simple hand wave  _ to see if she was alright... but she could clearly see the mixed expressions of both concern and worry from the other meeting goers. Even Perfuma looked ready to jump out of her seat to leave in the direction that Seahawk just had, gently closing the door behind himself.

 

Adora was too engrossed in her teammates’ strange behaviour and trying to figure out the large puzzle, that she missed the pained look Seahawk had given her before he left.

 

Only he knew why Mermista was growing flowers in her lungs.

 

Adora had no clue.

 

~~~

 

Mermista slammed the door of the meeting room behind her, and rushed down the wide hallway, her mind screaming repeats of ‘ _ have to get away’ _ and ‘ _ fuck fuck fuck’ _ .

 

Where was the bathroom… she was almost certain it was down here somewhere. Ah there.

 

She grabbed at a blue door handle, and opened it, but instead of seeing a possible sink and mirror to gauge how bad she was, she stared in shock at a storage closet holding different assorted materials and a weapon that was hanging precariously off the top shelf at the back.

 

Mermista pulled a face as she slammed the door closed behind her, her need for privacy even greater than her dignity at this moment.

 

Only when she was certain that nobody had come to find her did she allow her fist to relax, sliding down the door to sit on the cold floor. She had her fist clenched since that moment in the meeting - when her eyes shot up and met Adora’s, confirming her worried thoughts of ‘ _ did Adora see that?’ _

 

She had looked up and saw confused blue eyes glancing up from the object of her affection. 

 

_ Adora had seen it _ .

 

The golden petal of a marigold.

 

The flower in question rested upon her hand, crushed and damaged, but still shone from the light that made its way into the dark room around the edges of the door… if it could even be called a room with how cramped it was. 

 

This flower was the thing that had caused her to cough her way through the entire meeting. It was the flower’s fault that she had to run and hide from her feelings in a  _ storage closet. _

 

Mermista’s hand shook as she clenched it around the flower again, crushing it beyond recognition. Her entire body shook like a leaf, because she knew that it wasn't the flower’s fault, but it was just easier to blame it.

 

To blame it for the pain.

 

There was a small knock on the door, and it was almost comical of how somebody would knock on a  _ storage closet’s  _ door. 

 

Mermista knew it could have only been one person. Seahawk.

 

“Come in,” she sighed, and despite her monotone voice she was grateful that Seahawk had followed her to see if she was okay. She needed a bit of company, and Seahawk knew her situation. She was not in the mood for explaining her secret to another person.

 

The door opened slightly after Mermista had moved out of the way, restricted only by the space, and Seahawk squeezed by and into the closet. He barely paused for a moment before he slid to the floor next to her.

 

They sat there for a moment before Mermista felt a tear slide down her cheek. A sob wracked at her body, and yet another cough fought through, but she didn't care about how pathetic she must have looked. She just wanted the pain in her lungs to leave her alone. She wanted her carefree and painless life back.

 

Before she could move, Seahawk was hugging her shaking body into his chest, knowing instantly what she needed. Mermista was instantly grateful that he just  _ knew,  _ though she supposed that was what he would have needed when  _ he _ had the disease.

 

The wretched disease that was making flowers grow in her lungs. The flowers were beautiful, stunningly so - glowing in the sun and each one in warm colours that felt  _ right _ for Adora -

 

But she just couldn't breathe. 

 

Not without pain.

 

The crushed marigold lay forgotten on the cold ground beside them.

 

“I'm getting the operation.”

 

Seahawk didn't say anything, but Mermista could feel the slight hitch in his breath from under her head. When she raised her head off his chest, she saw that a thought full expression had been drawn across his face.

 

“I'm getting the operation, Sea,” she said, ignoring how she was still shaking. The pain in her lungs greatened and she fought back a bone-shaking cough. “I'll die if I don't,” she added quietly, almost as as a whisper. Almost as though she was too afraid to say that fact aloud.  _ She wasn't afraid. _

 

Yeah, she didn't completely believe herself either.

 

Seahawk smiled sadly, rubbing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “If that's what you want.”

 

Mermista felt an unexplained anger simmer through her, and she pushed away from him in one jabbed motion, ignoring ignoring his grunt of surprise - “What, like you think you know any better?! What's that supposed to mean?”  _ Seahawk doesn't deserve this. “ _ You think I wanted this? You really think that I would deserve to die from this disease rather than to talk to Adora? _ ” You're being extremely cruel. “ _ You don't understand anything that is going through my mind at all when I see her! Sitting there, not knowing how much my love for her is affecting me! _ ” He  _ **_does_ ** _ understand. “ _ Just leave me alone and fight your own battles!” _ He doesn't deserve this. _

 

Seahawk blinked, expression open, and  _ hurt.  _ “I… didn't know you felt that way.”

 

The anger began to cool slightly and Mermista’s expression dropped, guilt spreading at the back of her skull.

 

“Seahawk -”

 

Seahawk went to stand up, to leave probably, which Mermista definitely deserved him to go and leave her alone to deal with her ranged emotions, but she still stopped him with a hand on his arm. He looked back, confused, another moment passing before he spoke- “You're giving me  _ so _ much mixed signals right now. Do you want me to leave or not?”

 

Mermista let go of his arm, silently shaking her head as more tears ran down her cheeks, the floodgates finally breaking free. “I'm sorry, Sea. I- I didn't mean to lash out, you.. you don't deserve that.”

 

Seahawk gave her a concerned look, and slowly sank back down to his seat on the floor. “Ever think you should talk to Adora first?”

 

Mermista shook her head, glad that Seahawk stayed despite her outburst.  _ He deserved to leave. _ “It has nothing to do with Adora. I can't tell her about-” she cut herself off with a sharp cough as it drove through her body and rattled her bones.

 

Seahawk’s raised eyebrow was a feeling that crept on her mind, she didn't even need to look at him to see it. “It has nothing to do with Adora?”

 

Mermista waved a hand dismissively at him as she was launched into another bought, coughs rattling her entire frame and left her shaking once again. She felt Seahawk slap gently at her back.

 

It was a tulip petal this time.

 

Mermista glared at it with all the hatred she could muster.

 

Adora and her stupid hair that was like a stupid golden curtain that fell over her stupid golden shoulders when she used the stupid sword to transform into stupid She Ra. The She Ra that had started to appear in her dreams with an inviting smirk on her face as she extended as hand for Mermista to take. She Ra would then lead her onto the dance floor and they would dance, not a care in the world.

 

Then, she would take her chin in her hand and Mermista would lean up to meet her and -

 

The dream always ended before they could get any closer. Her mind wouldn't allow her thoughts to kidnap it and run away. In a way, it was both a blessing and a curse.

 

Seahawk laid a hand on top of hers, which she only realised had been clenched around the petal, causing water to drip from in between her fingers. 

 

Mermista started, and dropped the petal as if it had burned her, and it drifted to the ground, crumpled, resting itself right next to the similarly crushed marigold.

 

The colours worked well together, the gold contrasting the soft pink in an appealing way. Only a red could bring them together and form a bouquet fit for even Perfuma’s home. The red of a rose. The other flower she would eventually cough up again.

 

As if sensing her thoughts, a tingling sensation rested deep in her chest.

 

Mermista buried her head in her hands - she couldn't deal with this.

 

She  _ had  _ to get the damned operation.

 

“I'm getting the operation. Sea,” she looked up, meeting Seahawk’s saddened eyes, “I don't care of the side effect.”

 

“You'll lose your feelings towards Ado-”

 

“I said  _ I don't care _ .”

 

Seahawk was silent once more, as if in thought. Mermista sighed, reigning into the bone deep exhaustion as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

 

The fabric of his ridiculous blue jacket was soft, and smelled like the sea - salty. From all his time sailing. Some patches against her cheek felt rougher than others, but it was still pleasant. Blue like the water, and salty like the sea. It fitted Seahawk's reputation and name like a perfect glass shoe.

 

“Y’know? In a strange way, I feel like  _ I _ should be calling  _ you _ Sea.”

 

Mermista couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from her mouth, her careless image be damned. The tension in the small space instantly lifted. “No, you can't - Seahawk can be shortened to Sea, but Mermista can be shortened to…”

 

“Mer?”

 

Mermista wrinkled her nose. “Definitely not.”

 

Seahawk breathed a short laugh. “ ‘Think Mermista will have to do for now, but I'll find you a name yet.”

 

The eye roll was too good to pass up at that comment, “Sure,” she sighed, feeling her eyelids start to droop, “glad to have you back. You were pretty serious for a bit there.”

 

She felt Seahawk shrug a shoulder under her head, “Serious situation.” The dismissal of the topic was suspicious, but was easily connected to how he knew exactly how Mermista was feeling, despite her ugly accusations she spat at him just a few minutes prior.

 

Suddenly, Mermista's eyes widened, and she shot upright. “The meeting!”

 

“Calm down Starfish, we can always ask Perfuma what we missed. She'll be glad to provide us with help, and hopefully some vines too.”

 

Mermista raised a judgemental eyebrow for two reasons. “Starfish?  _ Vines _ ?”

 

Seahawk smiled lazily at her, “I tied a few to my burned ship before it took to flames. They were so much better than ropes for swinging off. No rope burns!” To prove his point, he showed off the palms of his hands, which were unusually burn free.

 

Mermista mentally shrugged. Fair enough.

 

“Now,” Seahawk’s voice grew careful, as though he was about to step on glass. “The operation?”

 

Defence shot through her as she felt a slight sense of nerves, “You can't talk me out of it-”

 

Seahawk shushed her, glancing down at his hands which were toying with the cuff of his sleeve. “I was wondering if you needed some support for when you wake up. Don't think you'll be telling anybody other than the surgeon and me about this?”

 

Mermista stared, and caught herself after a moment, so she only nodded. Instant gratitude sifted through her. “Of course you can be there. I don't think I'd have it any other way.”

 

Seahawk beamed at her. “Thanks, Starfish.”

 

She blinked. “Don't call me that.” 

 

\---

 

The next few days went by smoothly… well, about as smooth as they could get with a bone rattling cough.

 

Still, everything seemed fine. Mermista was at home and far,  _ far _ away from Adora, She Ra and any other persona of her crush. Seahawk was granted a room in her palace with a ship’s clean, white sail for the bedsheets, and vines and ropes keeping the bed frame together.

 

Mermista thought it would have been humorous, but was surprised when Seahawk genuinely loved it. Small delights, she supposed.

 

He was  _ almost _ gifted a ship in a bottle too, but Mermista rethought that one. He would probably manage to burn it in some way, shape or form. She also told her palace staff to keep him away from any of the fireplaces and torches for good measure. Her palace thanked her. No fires were set in those few days.

 

Still, everything  _ was  _ going fine until she was called out for a mission. With Adora.

 

Sure, it was only a small mission with no fighting and just checking up on nearby towns and villages, but she was put on a team with Bow… and  _ Adora _ .

 

Seahawk had found her the evening she had gotten the news with her head on the table of the dining room. Where Mermista was expecting some emotional support in her hour of need, all she got was a smothered laugh and a “ _ you'll be alright _ .”

 

Why couldn't she have been put on Perfuma and Glimmer’s team? Or even Seahawk and Swiftwind’s team over the one she was stuck with. Even putting up with two ( _ ahem _ ) eccentric beings would be better than to face her fear of Adora finding out.

 

This. Was. Terrible. 

 

It seemed as though they were the only three-person team, everyone else was placed in pairs. So she  _ thought  _ she could switch, with their team only having an extra that could move freely, but Queen Angela was having none of it. Apparently, some of the villages their team were assigned to had water based living styles.

 

Mermista sighed and continued walking behind Bow, making sure to step over the root that jutted out onto the narrow path.

 

Not even Neptune had to put up with the Hanahakai disease… she thought. Who honestly knew.

 

“Mermista, you okay?”

 

Mermista glanced up at Bow’s voice, and smiled tightly. “Yeah. Perfect.”

 

Bow looked unconvinced, eyes narrowing slightly, but continued walking. Adora was leading the way ahead, so Mermista didn't have to worry for now. She was probably too busy keeping an eye out for anything that wanted to eat them past the dense woods.

 

Before she left for the mission, Seahawk had gifted her a small purple bottle. Its labels were unreadable; in a strange language made up of sharp symbols and dots, but he reassured her that this honey-like liquid was what got him through his dose of the disease… even if he  _ had _ bought it from some far away land that that he could only stay in for a few hours without getting the heeby jeebies.

 

It stopped the flowers from sprouting for twenty minutes at a time, so if she took it every time she felt discomfort or a cough, she'd manage to live through the day.

 

That still didn't stop her from feeling warm every time she saw Adora, even now as she was leading the way ahead, waving a hand at her hair to get it untangled from trees when a branch lay too low. The way she kept her sword on her at all times, ready to defend and protect.

 

Mermista still blushed at the memory of She Ra smiling at her from that day on the bridge.

 

The tingling fought harder against the medicine.

 

The upcoming village distracted her from the thought of Adora. Just this last one, then she'd be free. Free to leave this mission in the dust for today, and hopefully her emotions too. How she had managed the other three towns, she didn't know. She had to take the medicine countless times, but it stayed true to Seahawk’s word and prevented the flowers and coughing.

 

Just one more.

 

Maybe this was  _ finally _ going to be the water village.

 

As they neared the clearing, the ground opened way to a lake, covered in a thick, dense fog. A lake that was softly glimmering purples and oranges in the light of the setting sun that dispersed through the moisture in the air. The lake’s water lapped onto the ground only a few feet from where they stood, leaving a soft washing sound in its wake. 

 

It was calming, and Mermista sighed. 

 

She definitely felt at home. The water was almost calling to her.

 

Upon the water, a while from the shore, lay a few short buildings which seemed to almost float easily on the lake, the walls completely blended in amongst the blues and greens of the water. They seemed to be made of the same material that coral was, if the colours were anything to go by.

 

It was difficult to see through the fog, but it almost seemed like... magic.

 

Still, a deep sense of foreboding washed through her.

 

Something was… off.

 

Where were the animals? The birds? Usually a lake like this one would be teaming with wildlife… but the lake was silent, and the air was heavy. Almost as if the scenery itself was holding its breath.

 

“Mermista, you coming?”

 

Mermista tore her eyes away from the watery village at the sound of Adora’s voice, calling her from the small boat that Bow was untying at at a pier.

 

A  _ very _ small boat. 

 

That she would share with both Adora and Bow, leaving very little space for moving. She'd have to sit tight with  _ Adora. _

 

“Uh…” she looked back at the village, calculating the distance, “No thanks. I'll swim.”

 

From the corner of her eye, she could see exactly when Adora blinked, taken aback, and Mermista couldn't help but to feel slightly guilty. She attempted to smother that guilt by stepping into the cool water until it reached just above her ankle bracelet, fully immersing her feet and soaked the simple twine rope. 

 

It was only a simple light brown bracelet, with a small, white seashell braided into it to make it personalised. Special, and just for her. A gift from Entrapta that she just couldn't let go of… she missed her and even her screams of ‘ _ science!’  _ in her ear when she wanted to find out  _ how _ Mermista could transform her legs into a tail. 

 

She wanted to know if it was her powerstone, and  _ obviously _ needed to examine it. The small bracelet was a ‘ _ socially acceptable gift _ ’ for allowing her to study. Mermista didn't want to know what that meant, but still, she just couldn't throw the feeble thing away.

 

She never even finished her experiments.

 

“Oh. All right then.”

 

Adora sounded almost hurt, and it took a lot more willpower than she was willing to give to not turn around and climb into the damned boat, slightly emotional just from Entrapta’s memories (Neptune, she was getting soft these past few days), but it was that moment that Bow decided to push the boat off the soft sand. Mermista mentally shrugged, trying to seem as though she didn't care.  _ Which she definitely didn't.  _

 

She sighed to herself, giving up with trying to seem like her unrequited love didn't affect her, because  _ it did.  _ Maybe a little too much, even.

 

She sniffed, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes, but instead chose to hide it by wading deeper into the lake, trudging through the water, and finally dove when the water was deep enough that she could just barely feel the sandy ground beneath her feet.

 

She changed into her mermaid form, and came up to the surface to get her surroundings. The boat was floating directly beside her when she broke the surface, and for a brief moment panic swept through her. What if Adora saw her reddened eyes? What if she knew instantly how much she was affecting her with that one image? 

 

What if she  _ didn't _ ? 

 

Either outcome seemed just as bad as the other in that moment, but as she glanced upwards to the boat’s edge glinting copper in the easy sun, she saw that only Bow was leaned over the side.

 

“Want to race?”

 

Mermista blinked, dumbfounded, but still relieved. How could a small rowboat go faster than she could? She shook her head, “No.” 

 

How Bow managed to look exactly like a kicked puppy after her negative answer was a mystery, but Mermista found herself fighting back an eye roll. 

 

“Maybe on the way back.” 

 

The archer smiled at her. It was in that moment that Adora decided to peer over the side of the boat, most likely curious, and Mermista froze slightly before she quickly ducked under. The water was cold and made its way up her nose at the sudden dip and  _ stung _ , but Mermista didn't care. She had to dive before the certain  _ hero  _ saw her.

 

That was close.

 

Too close.

 

_ \--- _

  
  


Landing on the floating village was a lot easier said than done. Then again almost everything was.

 

Still, where Mermista found it easy to wash up onto the (very narrow) paths that surrounded each building, the boat… did not. 

 

As in - the boat got stuck and Mermista had to help everybody get out of it.

 

Everybody included Adora, the very person she was avoiding.

 

It seemed as though the universe  _ wanted  _ to punish her.

 

She had helped Bow onto the firm paths first, not wanting to deal with the  _ other _ passenger just yet. She knew she couldn’t ignore her forever… but maybe just a while longer. Reluctantly, she reached a hand out for Adora as she stood awkwardly on the boat, trying to prevent it from overturning.

 

Mermista avoided her eyes, but a sudden tug made her look toward the boat that Adora was clearly struggling with. It was in that moment that Adora chose to stumble as the boat swayed beneath her, her grip on Mermista’s hand loosening.

 

Water splashed onto them and Mermista’s hand shot back to her chest instinctively. Ugh she had  _ just _ dried off too.

 

“Adora!” 

 

Bow’s yell in her ear brought her back to reality as the realisation dawned on her; Adora had fallen into the water and was now under the surface.

 

Mermista hesitated, not really wanting to go near her. “Can she swim?”

 

Adora answered her question before Bow had time to by breaking through the surface of the water and trying to execute the  _ worst  _ doggy paddle Mermista had ever seen in her life, but the fact that Adora was clearly panicking stopped her from rolling her eyes.

 

Mermista quit her hesitation instantly, seeing red as she dived, her tail materializing before she even hit the water. Adora’s torso was below the surface ahead of her, so she quickly grabbed the panicking blonde by the waist.

 

Adora instantly grabbed onto Mermista with the grip of a drowning man… well, Mermista just hoped the metaphor stayed as a metaphor. She  _ really  _ didn’t want a drowned She Ra on her hands just because she wouldn’t pay attention and properly help Adora out of a damned boat.

 

Adora stopped panicking as Mermista held her firmly above the water, her tail beating harshly below the surface just to keep the both of them afloat. Mermista’s heart allowed her to imagine that Adora stopped flailing because she was there, and not the access to oxygen.

 

Adora looked at her, blue eyes shining. Her hair was wet and her ponytail was mussed, causing a few strands of golden hair to fall over her face. 

 

Her jacket and top were wet too, pressing against Mermista's chest, close enough that she could feel her shivering. Her legs kicked gently under the water in an attempt to help them stay afloat, and Mermista could feel the way it made the water shift and flow around her tail. A few disobedient water droplets were making their slow, agonising journey down her face, and one lay on the edge of her bottom lip.

 

Her pink lips made Mermista realise just _ why  _ a tulip was one of the flowers she was growing and coughing. Plump and sweet, smooth like the petals. Twice as enticing. 

 

The air felt electric, and as Adora looked at her through thick eyelashes, Mermista knew that she was gone. Tulips could only go so far to describe -

 

“You guys okay out there?”

 

Mermista jumped at the sound of Bow’s voice, nearly dropping Adora back into the water. She had only realised just how close her face had gotten to Adora’s, and just how fast her tail was beating in the thick waters.

 

Almost too quickly the moment was gone, and Mermista shook her head from the previous thoughts.  _ Really? Now?! _

 

Adora adjusted her grip as she swam as fast as she could back to the paths, the one in particular that Bow was waiting patiently on.

 

Her lungs felt as though they were on fire.

 

Adora reached up a hand, and her weight was lifted off Mermista as Bow took it and pulled her up. Once firmly on the ground, Bow extended a hand to help Mermista, and she took it, mostly to act normal after her huge slip up.

 

_ She nearly kissed Adora. _

 

As she was heaved up onto the narrow path, she tried to control her breathing… distracting her racing mind on the  _ figure _ she could see a way off ahead. Sure, it was a small village, but the fog had made it murky and almost ethereal. Just to match the scene that had gone down beforehand.

 

The scene that her pulse was still racing from.

 

_ Calm down. _

 

The figure edged closer, and Mermista found that it was in fact  _ not _ humanoid. It looked like a creature from a book she read once. A book that left her young mind reeling, pulse racing, and calling her father more nights than not. Made a little heart beat in its chest as she read on, wanting to know the ending.

 

The figure had winding horns, and it was dark, tall. That was all she could tell. As it emerged from the fog, a full-body shiver ran through Mermista, and she froze. The creature...

 

It’s body was twisted in the middle, and leaning its gait slightly to the left, limping on a leg that was mangled in a way that looked as though it had once been severed in a battle, but somehow managed to survive. It looked drained, and seemed to seep light from everything around it. Even the coral wall beside them seemed to shrink slightly in fear. To get away.

 

But it was not the shape, or even the dark aura that seemed to cling onto the mangled skin that scared her the most.

 

It was the eyes.

 

Just completely…  _ human. _

 

The creature travelled slowly on its limp, and finally emerged fully from the fog. They glanced Mermista’s frozen body up and down with saddened eyes that shone brighter than any eyes she had seen on any human soldier or mage. They looked as though they were wise from the knowledge of a thousand years, and witnessed more loss than Mermista ever would in her lifetime. Only… they were a golden brown, as if they were created from the rich earth of the mountains and highlighted with ore of a sword’s edge.

 

They looked  _ too _ wise.

 

It was as if they were almost sensing that something was wrong, and it was when a wrinkled hand came up and stroked idly at their chest while looking between Mermista and Adora, that she realised how messed up this village was. 

 

She stumbled back as they looked at her with their heavy gaze.

 

_ This creature knew about her disease. _

 

The creature nodded to her, and kept walking. They walked past the three, and disappeared into the thick fog in the direction it was headed before.

 

Mermista felt as though she couldn’t breathe, for an entirely different reason than the flowers, for once.

 

“Okay, what was that thing?!”

 

Adora’s panicked voice rose over the suspense, but it wasn't enough for Mermista’s newly pounding heart. The tingles in her lungs broke through, and she scrambled for the small medicine bottle.

 

She was getting the operation.

 

It was final.

 

~~~

  
  


Mermista was ignoring Adora. She knew that much…

 

But she just didn't know  _ why. _

 

She ducked away the entire mission. She dodged the trip in the boat earlier too. When the… the  _ thing  _ emerged from the fog, Adora could sense that Mermista knew something.

 

But she ignored all her gut feelings.

 

She kept walking.

 

“So… I don't see any more of those creatures,” Adora said, finally stopping to check on the others. Mermista wasn't looking at her, as usual, but Adora had learned to ignore that. She learned to ignore the instant drop in her mood. Bow was fine, he just looked a little bit spooked. “Hopefully there's no more and we can get out of here already.”

 

“I'm with Adora on that one,” Bow raised his hand, voice cracking over his fear.

 

If Mermista was afraid, she didn't show it. She looked as cool as a hard rock, and twice as emotionless. Honestly, it unnerved Adora a small amount. Ever since she had her one-on-one with the beast, she'd been shrinking back into herself, even after opening up from her usual closed off personality. It had taken a while to coax down her walls, and now it seemed as though they were rebuilt stronger than before.

 

A sad feeling shot through Adora as she was reminded of the first time they had met, in her throne room.

 

After getting no visual confirmation off Mermista, Adora grunted in frustration. “Do you agree?”

 

Mermista looked up, eyes almost like a dead gaze. “Yeah, sure. Doesn't matter to me anyways.”

 

Fine. If she wanted to be that way.

 

“Okay it's settled. We're leaving.”

 

\---

 

Being back at the castle didn't help either. If anything, it made it worse.

 

Mermista had barely talked during the recap meeting, only speaking to talk (extremely vaguely, might she add) about the creature that had emerged from the fog, sized her up, and left.

 

Shortly after that fiasco was done and explained, Seahawk had returned with his team, bursting into the room with the tail end of a story he must have been replaying to one of the castle guards. The guard looked halfway between interested, and attempting to look bored - probably not wanting to be teased later for actually finding Seahawk's wild tales believable.

 

Seahawk finished, and sat down (collapsed) beside Mermista. Adora’s view on the estranged mermaid was blocked off.

 

She tried to not let it get to her, she really did, but a strong feeling of not being wanted kept washing over her.

 

It was perfectly  _ fine. _

 

She was too used to being the  _ favourite  _ anyways.

 

Catra let her know about that fact enough for her to know.

 

Angela stood up, bringing Adora’s attention to the top of the table. One by one, the eyes of the other princesses turned to the Queen. Even Mermista's did before she quickly turned to face the other direction. A silence fell on Adora as she felt her heart sink a little. 

 

Something was definitely wrong with Mermista, and she was going to find out sooner or later.

 

She only hoped it was sooner, before the princess did something rash...

 

~~~

~~~

 

Mermista stared in her mirror, a feeling of fear crawling over her. She felt nothing but that fear, allowed it to engulf her entire being... so she couldn't even feel the last affection towards Adora that she ever would.

 

Her guards were on standby outside, and Seahawk was waiting for her, to escort her to the operating theater. He was the only thing that was stopping her from switching to her mermaid form and living the rest off her shortened life with the sea life, in the little cave that she hid all of her favourite items and where she often left to get some peace and quiet.

 

It was the beast on that water village that finally made her snap, finally made her book an appointment with Salineas’s best Hanahaki surgeon. If that creature knew, it was only a matter of time before Adora found out.

 

She sighed, taking one last glance at her emotionless gaze in the hospital mirror.

 

The hospital garments were itchy and uncomfortable, but represented more than just sickness now. More than just a girl with a disease that wanted her life back. They represented more than a mortal could fully understand.

 

They represented the disease’s last withering breaths in her chest.

 

They represented Mermista’s battling mind and her inner thoughts. Her fears. Her shameful emotion’s will to survive as it made her cough one last time.

 

Sooner or later, she had to face the music.

 

She had to receive the scars of unrequited lungs.

 

With one last scratchy breath, she pushed away from the sink.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *takes a drag from a strawberry flavoured lollipop* it's really only Tuesday huh

Adora glared at Seahawk.

 

“What do you mean Mermista is  _ unavailable  _ right now?”

 

Seahawk shifted awkwardly, clearly put out by the fact that the big and terrifying ex-hoarde soldier was glaring at him with all the heat she could muster.

 

_ Good _ .

 

“Mermista is resting,” he repeated, seemingly for the tenth time. Adora scoffed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

 

“Why won't she open up to me?” she yelled, frustrated. Mermista had been ignoring her long enough, and she needed answers as to why. She  _ deserved  _ answers. Seahawk coughed into his hand awkwardly.

 

Adora resumed her perch of glaring at the pirate. 

 

He was blocking her way into Mermista’s room. If she wouldn't let her in then her journey all the way to Salineas with Glimmer’s teleportation glitter skills would have been for nothing. It was a wonder how the guards at the front even let her in if  _ this _ was the way the two were acting. 

 

“Wait,” Adora said, squinting her eyes, “you and Mermista aren't… hiding something. Are you?”

 

“What? No! We're most definitely  _ not  _ and I personally take offence to you thinking that we would,” Seahawk finished with a hand to his chest, and a half attempted glare. It was mediocre at best. “Now. Mermista is  _ resting. _ ”

 

“But come on! We made it all this way, and I'm  _ hungry _ ,” Glimmer said from where she was leaning against the wall. Adora was slightly concerned for Glimmer, her teleportation distance was stronger when she stood in her recharging unit at the castle, but she knew that the long journey had taken its toll on her. The way she was heavily relying on the wall to keep her upright only confirmed Adora’s suspicion. It also strengthened Adora’s resolve and stubbornness.

 

They were not leaving without a fight.

 

As if sensing this, Glimmer blinked at her. There was a faint smile on her face, but it quickly vanished when she turned back to the nervous Seahawk. “Where's Mermista?”

 

“She's resting.” If Adora didn't know any better, she could swear that she could see small beads of sweat beginning to form on the man's forehead. “She needs to sleep. She's had a rough weekend.”

 

Adora was about to argue back, but Glimmer cut her off.- “Seahawk… it's Wednesday.”

 

Seahawk’s eyes visibly widened, and it would have been comical if not for the situation. “Oh… so it is.” Adora narrowed hers in turn.

 

“Seahawk, I'll ask one more time. Where is Mermista?”

 

“Adora, I don't want to fight with you or Glitter, so I'll give you this,” he said, beckoning them both to come closer with a nervous look down the corridor either side of them. Glimmer ignored the ‘ _ Glitter’  _ comment, which Adora thanked her for, so she leaned closer, and Seahawk whispered, keeping his voice low.

 

“She. Is. Resting.”

 

A growl of frustration left Adora, and before she could realise, she was readying to pull her sword. Seahawk squealed in an undignified way, jumping back, but Adora was distracted by Glimmer stepping in between them.

 

“Okay! No violence!”

 

Suddenly, Adora wished that Bow was here. He would support her need to find Mermista… or he would side with Glimmer on the whole  _ no violence _ thing.

 

Sometimes the princesses could be boring.

 

Glimmer glared at the two of them. “Okay, bad princess. No violence or pulling swords out to get what you want!” Seahawk snorted. Glimmer rounded back to him, and the smile wiped off his face made way for sudden fear. That alone made Glimmer’s anger worth it. “And  _ you,  _ don't anger the crazy sword lesbian.”

 

Adora smirked.

 

Seahawk looked at her solemnly. “Wouldn't dream of it.”

 

The penny dropped in Adora’s mind, Glimmer’s previous sentence finally kicking into sense in her head. “Hey! I'm  _ not _ crazy!”

 

Glimmer raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“I'm not! He's just not telling me where the princess is.” Adora needed to defend herself. She  _ wasn't  _ crazy.

 

Seahawk let out a choked sound, “I've told you a million times already! She's  _ resting _ .”

 

“We.  _ know _ ,” Glimmer said, taking the same mocking tone as Seahawk.

 

“Then why does the crazy one keep asking?!”

 

“Because you have told us  _ what  _ she's doing, but not  _ where  _ she is!”

 

Seahawk clenched a fist by his side, and Adora felt her own anger flare up. “Yeah! That!”

 

“She's  _ resting _ in a place that's  _ restful _ !”

 

“Come on, Seahawk! You can't keep her locked away in this ‘ _ restful’ place!” _

 

“I haven't _locked_ _her away_ , and yes, I can.”

 

Adora felt fit to scream. This was getting ridiculous. “Why can't you just tell us?!” Her voice sounded thunderous as it echoed through the hall. Glimmer placed a hand on her arm, but Adora barely noticed. She kept her eyes glued on Seahawk's, and saw her own frustration reflected in them.

 

“Because she asked me not to!” His voice broke as he shouted, and it was only after the last word had passed his lips that he seemed to realise what it was that he had said. His face paled. “I mean-”

 

Whatever the excuse was that he tried to pass, Adora didn't register it. She was frozen to the spot. Unable to move. Unable to speak.  _ Because she asked me not to.  _ The sentence took hold of her thoughts. Mermista wasn't just being cold. She was doing everything to keep Adora away from her. But why? Weren't they friends? Did she not trust her...

 

She was vaguely aware of Seahawk and Glimmer arguing, but could barely bring herself to look at them. Tears welled up in her eyes as she did, and the two turned their attention to her.

 

“Adora?” Concern covered Glimmer's face.

 

“She… she asked you not to?” Her voice came out in a whisper. She wished it were louder. Wished that she had the confidence and strength to find some rational explanation. But she didn't. Instead, she had ice in her veins, and tears in her eyes that she refused their right to spill.

 

Sorrow seemed to replace Seahawk's anger as he took a step towards her. “Well… not  _ you  _ per say, more like… not to let  _ any  _ princess know? It's really not-”

 

Glimmer shot down the rest of his sentence with a single glare. 

 

Adora didn't hear his excuse… or Mermista's excuse really. She was keeping something from them, and no matter how much she didn't want them to know.

 

Taking a step forward with her anger rearing up, she asked one more time. “Where is she?”

 

“I can't tell you.” He looked towards Glimmer's exhausted state with barely hidden shame. “But I  _ can _ lead you to the kitchens so Glimmer can restore her energy.”

 

Adora and Glimmer shared a look, before they finally gave in. Food was a good place to start, at least. “Fine.”

  
  


~~~

  
  


On the other side of the door, Mermista sat huddled into herself from where she had slid down the wall earlier. She heard the entire conversation that had gone on out in the hall. Start to finish… but the words and harshness of her friends’ voices didn't bother her. The sting of shame and guilt as she knew Seahawk wanted to know if she was okay too. She knew he was asking himself the same questions that the girls were asking him. But it didn't bother her.

 

Only her emotions did.

 

Once, she would feel a swell of affection and admiration at Adora for demanding to know where she was, and if she was alright… but now? Now she felt nothing.

 

A barren landscape of hollow where the swell of love once was, now filled with nothing. Her lungs only ached due to the surgery not two days ago. No longer itchy and uncomfortable. She didn't need Seahawk's medicine any longer, and its small bottle sat lonely on her bedside locker.

 

It was ironic, really. Getting a surgery to rid herself of thoughts and pain centering around Adora, but here she she was, still thinking about her. Feeling a completely different pain, not one usually associated with the Hanahaki flowers - loss.

 

Inhale.

 

Exhale.

 

…no more scratchy coughing, or dull pain from vines and roots.

 

Was it even possible to miss a certain pain so  _ bad _ ?

  
  


~~~

 

The food of Salineas tasted okay.

 

At least… it was enough to wash away her previous state of anger, and if Adora was being honest with her feelings, betrayal. Even a speck of jealousy towards the  _ pirate _ , but she just squashed that down. She didn't know  _ why _ she was feeling that, and she didn't  _ want _ to know.

 

She also didn't care what it was exactly that she was currently scarfing down, all she knew was that it was noodles with some green things in it that looked like tiny seashells. Slightly salty, but really good. Even a punch of spice when you crunched into the mini shells.

 

Okay, it was amazing.

 

She just didn't want Mermista knowing that after her whole ‘ _ don't let Adora near me’  _ thing. Sure, the thing was more a ‘ _ don't let  _ **_any_ ** _ princess near me,’  _ but Adora couldn't see that. All she knew was Mermista wouldn't open up to her anymore… not that she ever had, really.

 

Before all this, their time spent together was usually awkward… and Mermista usually fled after a few minutes within their conversation.

 

Adora paused in her chewing.

 

Did… did Mermista  _ hate  _ her?

 

She glanced down at her food, taking note that her mini shells were green, while she noted that Glimmer's shells were blue. Did-

 

“Why are your shells a different colour to mine?”

 

Glimmer glanced up from where she was poking a certain noodle with her fork. “What?” she asked, and she sat up straighter to peer into Adora’s bowl. “Huh, I don't actually know.”

 

“Well, what do your shells taste like?”

 

Glimmer poked a blue shell in question. “Didn't really think about what they'd taste of, but I suppose… sweet.” A raised eyebrow. “Why, do yours not taste that way?”

 

Adora shook her head. “No? Mine are spicy.”

 

“Seahawk probably just ordered different flavours. I don't think that there's any motive behind… me getting sweet and you having spice.”

 

Adora knew she was being paranoid, she  _ knew _ . But growing up the way she had, nothing was there for no reason. Not even when you assumed you were safe and just eating. That was when they tested you, to see if your guard was up.

 

_ It's a trick. _

 

“Look,” Glimmer said, putting a hand over her arm and effectively pushing away any previous misleading thoughts, “Seahawk probably knew that I liked sweet things. Nothing deeper to it than that.”

 

Adora hummed, and she wanted to believe her, she really did. “I… suppose you’re right.”

 

She tried to believe herself.

 

“Mermista's just having a hard time, and I'm sure it's just a mermaid illness. She'll be back to herself in no time.”

 

Huh. That actually made sense.

 

The ducking and avoiding. The coughing. The rushing from the room. Hell, even the  _ avoid Adora _ _ ‘avoid the princesses’ _ thing. 

 

She was afraid they'd catch her sickness too.

 

Especially if the beacon of hope, She Ra, caught an illness she wouldn't have been immune to. That would have been an absolute disaster.

 

A huge weight felt as though it lifted off her shoulders. Mermista wasn't avoiding her because she hated her, she was avoiding her because she was contagious. 

 

Adora couldn't catch mermaid diseases though, she wasn't even close to being a mermaid, so that meant that she could visit her… unless Mermista  _ was _ avoiding her because of how awkward their interactions were.

 

All reminiscence of hope that was once blooming inside her instantly deflated, and Adora banged her head off the table. She could faintly feel Glimmer patting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder, but Adora just groaned and raised her head slightly to bang it again.

 

Why was Mermista truly avoiding her? And more importantly -

 

Why did she care this much?

 

She tried not to care, but even hiding under her usual pretences felt like a tedious task that she had no energy for anymore. She just wanted to  _ know _ .

 

_ Pathetic. _

 

Shadow Weaver’s voice rang in her head, the word being branded there since childhood, even if it wasn't usually spat at her. It was more of spat at others because of her though, so she always took those comments to her own soul.  _ They were said to Catra, but they were  _ **_meant_ ** _ for her. _

 

She was incredibly  _ pathetic _ … but she didn't care.

 

Mermista was avoiding her with any energy she had left through the hazy effects of her illness. That had to speak for something, but  _ what? _

 

“Ugh.”

 

_ Disgusting. _

 

“Sh- Shadow Weaver…” she looked up at Glimmer with pleading eyes, begging for Glimmer to understand.  _ Shadow Weaver was in her mind. _

 

Glimmer caught on, if her slightly widened eyes were anything to go by. Adora was suddenly smothered into a classic warm Glimmer hug. “Adora, Shadow Weaver isn't here. She'll never hurt you like that again.”

 

Adora tried to believe her. She allowed herself to indulge that pleasure. The warmth of the hug beginning to chase away any doubts.

 

Mermista needed their help - probably more than even She Ra could give.

  
  


\---

  
  


Almost a week had passed since that… frankly embarrassing day in the Salineas Dining Room. A long, daunting week of not knowing how her friend was doing. Of not knowing when she was going to see her smile next. Of not knowing whether her smile would ever be directed at her.

 

Yeah… suddenly seeing Mermista sitting at the table in the middle of a Queen Angela meeting was jarring to say the least. Though, seeing her completely healthy, and no stifling coughing at random intervals was relieving. Don't get her wrong, Adora loved to see Mermista back to her… own self.

 

Her own, emotionless, stone-glaring self.

 

Only Seahawk could go near her without her completely shutting down and glaring the person to an inch of peeing themself. Even the pirate seemed to be weary - and she only twitched slightly at being called a… Starfish? 

 

Something was  _ definitely  _ wrong.

 

Mermista was even more closed off than that of their first meeting. Heck, it made Adora worry. Soul-crushing worry state was shoved onto her.

 

Mermista didn't flush at Seahawk's ridiculous words. She didn't rise to certain comments Adora made. Comments that she  _ knew  _ would have gained her an eye roll. Nothing. 

 

Not a single emotion past  _ angry glare _ , and maybe even  _ concentration... _ purely for their mission debriefing. As if nothing else mattered.

 

When Queen Angela started to name teams for their trust building exercises, Adora hoped that she could get on Mermista's. She  _ wanted  _ to find out what was wrong. Sue wanted to help.

 

Never before had she felt so helpless towards something  outside a battle. So useless.

 

“-ma and Netossa.”

 

Wait. What?

 

As Adora snapped back to the room, everybody was starting to stand up. she followed suit and quickly stood… maybe a little too quickly if the lightheadedness was any indicator.

 

What team was she on?

 

Netossa was headed her way, so maybe she was on her team? Yeah. Most likely.

 

“Why aren't you and Spinerella on the same team?”

 

Netossa blinked, and her smile grew - a soft one. “Spin and I already have complete trust in each other. This is as trust  _ building  _ exercise.”

 

Adora raised a confused eyebrow. 

 

“...To build trust?” Netossa said, face contorted in a way that the answer should have hit her a sentence ago. What? Wasn't her fault she wasn't listening to Queen Angela during her speeches.

 

Perfuma was there, oh good. Maybe she could explain.

 

“Adora, Nettie and Spin already have trust in each other. This is for building trust. Not  _ strengthening _ trust they already have,” Perfuma explained. 

 

Or maybe not - Adora was still confused as ever.

  
  


~~~

  
  


Mermista was on possibly the  _ worst _ team she could have been chosen for. She didn't really know anybody here that well… and never really had a conversation with them. Even Swiftwind would have been a better candidate for another team.

 

Well, Swiftwind got along with Seahawk, so she'd  _ try  _ at least.

 

Spinerella, Swiftwind, Mermista.

 

Name a worse team.

 

Ugh. Mermista rubbed a knuckled hand against her brow. She'd just have them two do most of the work. She was still supposed to be ‘ _ taking it easy _ ’ but she knew if she hadn't turned up, people would have gotten worried. Or worse; suspicious.

 

Suspicions on her were the absolute worst thing that could happen right now, in her time of recovery. All she wanted was to he left  _ alone. _

 

Suspicion would only turn to curiosity, which would in turn find out about her ex-disease.

 

Even after it was removed, the disease still haunted her.

 

The lack of emotions, and all the way down to the barren area of affection towards Adora. Mermista had tested its boundaries slightly, and glanced at Adora throughout the meeting when she wasn't looking. Where there was once a swell of love, now she felt nothing. 

 

She only felt awkward for staring for so long.

 

Her love was gone.

 

\---

 

Okay. This did not suit her ‘ _ sitting back and laying low’  _ plans at all. Turned out that the trust exercises needed an activity of each and every individual in the certain group… evenly planned out for each person's abilities.

 

Where was  _ that  _ when she was in school.

 

Pushing her bitterness aside (for now), Mermista swam on through the murky water, her fear of coming in last place outweighed her doctor's need for her to rest. All she had to do was keep herself from dropping the small, purple pebble. Then she would pass it past some complicated mesh to Spinerella.

 

She didn't care what happened to that pebble after that. Then her specific job would have been done for this section. But… of course she had to swim in a small tunnel underground.

 

And of  _ course  _ the mesh would need some  _ trust _ to open. Her hand was suddenly jammed halfway through with the metal, and Spinerella (on the surface, and on  _ dry land _ ) had to work some wires, reach in, and grab it off her.

 

Trust exercises  _ sucked _ .

 

Especially now that she still had her hand stuck on some metal mesh that the other princess was trying to undo.

 

“Try pressing that shift there,” she said, pointing at a certain stone in the flooded tunnel beside Mermista while trying to bend the mesh in some way. The stone was just under the murky water surface, so Mermista glared at her, with no heat. After all, she was stuck underneath some mesh, with barely any space to surface beneath the metal. The water literally came up to her chin, and that was when the top of her head was touching the top of the pipe.

 

Reluctantly, she submerged herself and stretched her other arm as far as it would go, towards the slightly different shaped stone that Spinerella had pointed at. She pressed it, and felt rather than heard the small click.

 

The mesh trap released her hand, and Mermista snatched it back, bringing it close to her chest. She could barely see Spinerella’s blurred face from above the water, but she hoped that she would just continue the damn quest.

 

After all that, she did  _ not _ want to be in last place.

 

Spinerella’s blurred form disappeared, and Mermista let out a watery breath. Good. 

 

She swam on through the dark tunnel, leaving the mesh hole (and her only confirmation of which way was up) behind, hoping that the other two team members would put the last pebble where it needed to go, and  _ race _ to finish the last part; opening the metal at the end of the line to allow Mermista to exit the water tunnel. It was dark and cramped in here, and it was a terrible place to swim in.

 

Sure, it wasn't as bad as Hoarde sewers, but it wasn't good either.

 

All the straining… Mermista was starting to feel bone-deep exhaustion. Her lungs burned.

 

Right. She was meant to be taking it easy.

 

Ironically, that was too hard for her.

 

As she drew nearer to a strange end in solid water currents, the tunnel separated into two ahead of her. The right one with swirling designs on the sides of the pipe that reminded her of the wash and flow of water, flowing on with grace. The right was simply bland, but had a beautiful red hue in the water. Probably from the sun or rust or  _ something _ . It looked calmer than its sister tunnel as the water stood still. Holding its breath.

 

There was a sign on the wall that divided the two tunnels, shining off a slight blue tint through the water as it was nailed there. She had to refrain from rolling her eyes. 

 

A puzzle. Of course.

 

Although, it wasn't a puzzle. Not really. Upon further inspection, all it said was “ _ follow your heart, and the world will follow soon after. _ ”

 

Mermista had to physically refrain from grabbing the flimsy sign and ripping it to pieces. 

 

She chose the left tunnel.

 

\---

 

Dripping trees with moss hanging from the bark stood around the exit of the tunnel, rotting vegetation, scummy water that came up to her ankle, resting just above her tweed anklet. Reeds shot up through the clouded water almost looking surreal. 

 

Mermista balanced against a fallen tree to give her newly transformed legs a moment to get used to her weight.

 

_ Wait. _

 

Was- was she in a  _ swamp?! _

 

As Spinerella held a steady grip on her hand, even after she was hauled from the metal cover, she couldn't help but gape around her. Stare at the hanging trees and at the frog ponds and marsh. Fucking frogs’ and even crickets’ calls could be heard through the echoing. 

 

It was definite: she was in a- a swamp section of the forest.

 

_ Figures. _

 

“Ugh,” she moaned as she lifted her foot from the water, trying to prevent Entrapta’s bracelet from absorbing some of the swamp smell. “Disgusting.”

 

“Well I feel as though it is fine. In nature, as a horse should be,” Swiftwind said, staring after a really large beetle that was crawling up the soggy bark of the tree Mermista was leaning against. “Can horses eat beetles? I mean, I'm not carnivorous but I wonder…”

 

So much for trying to get along with Swiftwind. He was  _ infuriating. _

 

Seahawk had the worst friends… at least the friends that didn't include her. She supposed that she tolerated herself on most days…

 

Mermista forced her mind to get back to the task at hand. What with being ankle-deep in disgusting swamp water and being in the company of an  _ increasingly _ annoying horse.

 

She supposed Spinerella was okay. She was nice, at least.

 

“Okay, so we're supposed to follow the map to the temple ruins to meet up with the rest of the group. Swiftwind, please,” Spin said politely, holding a hand out to the horse. A horse that was staring back as though she had just sprouted wings.

 

“What?”

 

“The map.” Spinerella raised an eyebrow. “I gave it to you on the flight over.”

 

Swiftwind blinked. Then, managed to look as guilty as a seahorse that got caught in a shark bait. _Oh no._ _He_ _didn't._

 

“That was for keeping?”

 

Mermista couldn't have prevented herself from smacking a hand to her forehead, even if she tried.  _ He did. _

 

~~~

 

Adora tapped her foot impatiently on the cobblestone of the ancient ruin. Mermista, Spinerella and Swiftwind were the only people left to show up.

 

_ What was taking them so long? _

 

Seahawk and Netossa didn't even seem to care, either. They were sitting and lounging on the mossy steps and  _ talking _ . As if their own people weren't out there, probably lost and afraid!

 

Perfuma was behind them in some conversation with Frosta, while she was stuck in some confusing chat with Bow and Glimmer. None of these were more important that missing people. Adora stormed over to the two people who were the closest to the people missing - excluding the horse.

 

“How can you two just lounge around when Mermista is missing?!”

 

Seahawk looked up to the top of the steps in surprise, his conversation interrupted. Glimmer and Bow went silent behind her, no longer talking about cows. 

 

Good, their own people were  _ missing _ and they needed to focus on something other than something with with four legs and a tail. (At least, that's what she gathered from the cow conversation. She got lost about five minutes in.)

 

What even were cows?

 

...That didn't matter.

 

“You mean Mermista, Spinerella, and Swiftwind. Right?”

 

Adora blaunched at the pirate, anger almost forgotten. Almost. “Yeah, all three of them… even more reasons why we should be out looking!”

 

Netossa shook her head, slightly amused. “You clearly don't know what they are capable of. My Spin can hold her own.” 

 

Adora crossed her arms.

 

“Besides,” she added, picking a small pink berry off the vine branch that was wrapped around the stine pillar next to her. “You have to enjoy the food here.” She popped it into her mouth, and Adora had no doubt in her mind that it was sweet. But still, no matter how tempting the flesh of berries were, her friends were missing.

 

“No thanks.” Adora looked out into the deep forest that surrounded them. Mermista must have gotten the swampy trial because that was the only one that a team that finished didn't get. Mermista must have gotten lost in a swamp... “I'm going to look for her.”

 

“Them.”

 

Adora waved a dismissive hand at Seahawk as she passed him on the steps. “Yeah. Them.”

 

Mission chosen. Now… which way was the swamp?

 

“Go west from here. About a mile.”

 

Adora paused and blinked back at Netossa in surprise. She was helping her? 

 

Netossa clearly read the confusion on her face, as she shrugged. “My wife is out there too, if you haven't forgotten. I know how far she is,” she said, tapping the pink necklace around her neck.

 

“The necklace gives away locations?” 

 

Netossa shook her head, picking another berry. “No. More of a feeling.”

 

Huh. That was handy _. _

 

“I can take you there if you like?” Glimmer said, beginning to take the first steps down from the ruin. Adora shook her head.

 

“No thanks, I can walk.”

 

True, teleportation would have been faster and more comfortable to use, but Mermista (and the others) may have already been on their way back. They didn't exactly have to be at the swamp itself.

 

It made sense. At least, that's what Adora tried to convince herself as she took the first step into the forest.

 

The path narrowed the further she walked, stepping over low hanging tree branches and trying to ignore the eyes in the dark that seemed to follow her every move. She really shouldn't have come in here alone.

 

Adora stepped under a branch, and looked around. The forest was only now beginning to merge to a scene that looked more like a swamp, and the ground began to squelch under her foot. She must have been getting close.

 

As she ventured further in what she hoped was the correct direction, Adora noticed the smell of algae and decay assault her sense of smell. Swamps were never like  _ this _ in the simulations. In the Hoarde, her feet never soaked through to her socks, and the smell never made her want to scrunch up her nose in disgust. 

 

Adora swiped at the insistent mosquitoes that flew above her. Blood sucking monsters.

 

At least the sounds were nice?

 

The faint croaking of a toad echoed through the meshy trees, setting a natural scene, and in between croaks there was a bone deep silence. Almost comfortable. Other than the silence and toad croaks, there was the dripping and splashes she could hear up ahead.

 

Splashes?

 

Adora’s eyes widened at the sudden jerk in her mind. Mermista!

 

The splashes  _ had  _ to be her.

 

Quickening her pace to a sprint, Adora didn't care about when the soggy ground made way to water, quickening up to knee deep wetness. If Mermista was out there, then her quest was complete and she'd be safe! She'd be able to bring them back to the ancient ruin with the others, and she'd be able to prove that she  _ wasn't worried and only wanted to  _ **_do_ ** _ something. _

 

Not even she believed herself…

 

“Mermista?” Adora paused, sludging through the now waist-deep water into a slight open in the hanging trees. Wait… were leeches in this water? Adora jumped and prayed to Mara before her that her She Ra spirit would dwell away any more blood sucking monsters. Even the water version ones.

 

A ripple in the murky water drew her attention and she froze, hoping beyond belief that it was Mermista’s sense of humour trying trying to scare her, or a frog, or anything else that wouldn't attack her. She held her breath as she peered through the grim surface and saw nothing but her own distorted reflection, before a series of waves rapidly tore it to pieces as a scaly head broke the surface.

 

Adora barely had enough time to jump backwards away from the large crocodile and it's impossibly sharp teeth. Her heart pounded like drums in her ears as the reptile focused it's cold eyes on her. 

 

Not breaking eye contact, she reached clumsily for her sword through the water at her back as the animal grew closer. She didn't know what to do. She didn't  _ want _ to hurt it and technically it hadn't hurt her (yet)... but it looked very hungry. 

 

And  _ very  _ angry.

 

She was contemplating how well a distraction would work, when it pounced. On impulse, she kicked out the leg closest to it, attempting to wither kick the crocodile, or propel herself backward in the water, and felt a sharp sting. Teeth against flesh. A metallic smell mixing with the boggy swamp stench.

 

She yanked her leg back as fast as she could, the impact making her topple as she fell on her back into the sludge, water blurring her vision. She gasped as her back hit the water surface, accidentally allowing swamp water into her lungs. The world spun as she forced herself up, gagging, flailing her arms to keep afloat without her legs.

 

In front of her the crocodile floated on the surface, glaring. The torn fabric of her trouser leg held between its teeth almost mockingly. Now she was pissed. 

 

Before Adora could make sense of what had happened, or she could act on her rage, the crocodile turned and swam away, as if the fires of the Hoarde had been set upon its tail.

 

Drowsy, Adora glanced behind her, fear clutching her beating heart… Mermista!

 

Oh… she looked  _ pissed _ .

 

A warmth spread through her at that fact.

 

“Adora, are you okay?” 

 

“I…” It was then that Adora’s adrenalin wore off, and the burning pain in her calf made its presence known, even from under the water.

 

Mermista's eyes widened. “Yeah, definitely not.”

 

Before Adora could say ‘ _ Shadowhawks on a washing line’,  _ she was being hoisted up into the girl’s arms. The water-touched mermaid started shouting orders to the two forms behind her, starting starting to sludge through the deep swamp. Adora struggled through the water in her ears, and the lightheadedness that overtook her hearing to understand what she was saying.

 

“--- leg’s be-- b--ten, I --ed to ---- --- back to the ---tle!”

 

Adora blinked up at her saviour, her head illuminated by the light seeping through the vines above. Her face was contorted in anger, and worry set deep into her face. Some stray drops of water trickled down her face, leaving a wetness in their wake. Her blue hair still damp, and framing her face like... like a picture deserving of fame. It was… 

 

_ Beautiful,  _ a voice in her head provided.

 

Being carried by Mermista in bridal style was… it was doing strange things to her chest. Tightening, contracting.  _ Itching. _

 

Then Mermista looked down at her, brown eyes as dark as a whisper. Filled with concern, but they were shining. 

 

Adora smiled, slight. 

 

In the end, when her dizziness took over, she was happy to be drowned into the darkness of her mind. It felt like home, and reminded her of Mermista's emotion-filled eyes as they pleaded with her  _ to stay awake. _

 

Like  _ home _ .

  
  


\---

  
  


Blinding white was the first thing that assaulted her when she first opened her eyes. Tiles in the ceiling hurt her eyes, her head repeating a chantra of  _ too bright, too bright. _

 

She blinked back against the light, forcing her eyes to adjust.

 

A hospital room.

 

“Adora!”

 

She was attacked with a hug, and she realised too late that it was only Bow and Glimmer. She hugged them back, fighting against the feeling of dizziness that overtook her head.

 

Why was she in a hospital?

 

She was able to see the room, being propped up against some pillows. Looking around, she recognised the room of white and  _ cleanliness _ . It looked  _ cold _ . 

 

Adora stomped back a cough, desperate for answers. “Why am I in some-”

 

Bow and Glimmer shared a look, debating something silently between them. What had she missed? Did Glimmer obtain mental-talking skills?

 

_ What was that called, again… teleponetics? No, it was more… telekinesis? That didn't sound right... _

 

Finally, Glimmer sighed, knocking Adora out of her fruitless debate with herself. “Adora, you wandered off into the woods to find Mermista. Do you remember that?”

 

_ Mermista.  _

 

The name alone forced Adora to cough. She tried to stifle it long enough to nod softly. Yeah, she remembered that. Just… what came after she went to the swamp was a little bit foggy still. Glimmer nodded back, thoughtful.

 

“Then you found the swamp and you were attacked by a crocodile. It… I'm not going to lie, it pretty much messed up your leg,” she stated, almost as though it were a question.

 

Adora blinked as the blurry memories cleared up slightly, like crystal glass being cleaned with a dirty wipe. She looked down at her legs, her left leg was hidden under the white blanket… but her right… it was covered in a thick wound dressing, reaching from her ankle to just below her knee. There was no red stains on the white fabric, but Adora knew that there must have been a lot of blood at one point. 

 

Her leg sent a reminder in the form of a stab of pain through her nerves when she tried to adjust it slightly, making her remember in full clarity what had happened. The crocodile, the swamp…

 

“...Mermista,” Adora said, not caring how small her voice sounded.

 

Bow placed his hand on the bed beside her hand. “She scared off the crocodile with her water-charm or something, and then brought you back here. She  _ saved your life _ , Adora.”

 

She saved She Ra… she saved  _ Adora. _

 

Somehow, that seemed almost painful. It made her want to cry, to lash out and just  _ break  _ something. Anything. She couldn't, though. She couldn't  _ move _ without pain cascading through her leg, and her shin continued to throb like the washes of the ocean. Nothing to break, no opportunity to lash out, she opted instead for something she hadn't done in years...

 

She let herself cry.

 

Tears began to wash down her face as ugly wet sobs wracked her body. Pain washed through her lungs at the movement, and her body reminded herself just how exhausted it felt. Glimmer and Bow were near her once more; hugging her again. A slight comfort that barely cut through the harsh realisation that was setting like fog.

 

_ She had almost died. _

 

Death was something she could  _ never  _ get used to. Not even her  _ own _ near-death experiences. They cut deep, they stung, they  _ hurt _ . Deeper than anything else.

 

She had thought that being She Ra would have been different… why was she affected so much by this? She was she a supposed to be the unshakable hero, yet she couldn't even fend off a simple swamp crocodile without nearly drowning, or nearly bleeding out from a wound she gained for not thinking. For kicking out a leg at the crocodile’s open mouth, filled with bared teeth.

 

Maybe Catra was right. Maybe she didn't deserve to be some lone hero...

 

God she missed Catra so much. 

 

No matter how much her words hurt, she always knew what to say.

 

She would tell her now to get up. To stop being weak. To prove herself. To-

 

A cough mixed in with her sobs, and Adora let it. It rattled her, down to her bones. Her lungs burned, and she stopped crying, grabbing at her neck. She- she was going to choke! She felt somebody slapping her back as she coughed, helping, but just barely.

 

The coughing finally died down, allowing her to begin to breathe once more. Air assaulted her lungs in at welcome burn, and Adora felt something in her mouth around her gasps.

 

Strange. Itchy, like…

 

A flower.

 

Faintly, she heard as Glimmer gasped, and Bow looked at the flower now in Adora’s hand with pure  _ horror _ . 

 

Adora simply stared at it, too exhausted to feel anything more. Too tired to think anything outside ‘ _ what the fuck?’ _

 

An aqua-blue petal of a water lily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah… I'm just evil. I barely even control my writing half the time, but I admit.. I planned for this to happen.
> 
> Comments > Kudos


	3. Chapter 3

“Is that…”

 

Adora didn't move. She didn't know…

 

_ Why had a flower been in her throat?! _

 

“Um… why-”

 

“A flower… Hanahaki!” Bow said, taking his hand off the bed. He sounded as though he had just solved a thousand year old puzzle that he had been working on his entire life. “Do you know what this means, Adora?” he asked, although it was with much more volume than needed, really. 

 

Hanahaki?

 

Adora finally tore her eyes away from the flower, only to find both of her friends staring at her, as if expecting her to do something.

 

“...What?”

 

“Adora…” Bow looked pained almost. “Please- please tell me the Hoarde didn't keep the knowledge of love diseases from you.”

 

Adora blinked, and looked back to the innocent looking blue flower. “No- I… is this supposed to be love?” Adora sniffed, more tears pricking at her eyes. “If this is what love is - a flower coming from my mouth, and making my lungs feel as though they're about to… to tear apart!? - then I don't want anything to do with it.”

 

In one motion, she tightened her hand into a tight fist, ignoring the surprised and horrified expressions on Glimmer and Bow's faces. Anger towards the damn thing overtook her, and she threw the crushed flower at the wall above Glimmer's head, forcing the princess to quickly duck to avoid being hit.

 

She pulled the covers tightly over her head. She just wanted to world to  _ stop.  _ For every noise - the beeping of the machine, the birds chirping outside her window, the footsteps travelling up through corridors outside outside her room, the pleading hum of Glimmer's voice, the burn of her lungs and throat - she wanted it all to stop.

 

After what seemed like hours, she finally felt Glimmer and Bow's weights being lifted from her bed, and she heard the door give a soft  _ click _ as it closed behind them.

 

The beeping continued, and the birds still sang, and her lungs still burned - but the pitying glances, and the expecting looks were gone. Replaced by a bitter calm that rested in the stark-white hospital room.

 

Her body shook as she tried to stuff back her tears, and her head was starting to pound in time with the beating of her too-fast heartbeat.

 

Hanahaki… she didn't know what it was, and she didn't care.

 

She just wanted it  _ gone _ .

 

\---

  
  


“So, you've improved since yesterday in health, but your friends inform me of some developments in the Hanahaki section. Now most people would opt for better treatment and specialised medicines and tablets, but th-”

 

Numb, Adora nodded along to what her nurse was saying. She was barely taking any of it in. Bow and Glimmer hadn't shown up again, obviously giving her the space she craved so much earlier that day when she had her head under the blanket, but she honestly just wanted to know what was wrong with her. Not how well she was getting on  _ compared to before _ . She was sick of this hospital bed. She was never really… confined to bed rest before.

 

She never needed it, what with being the best in training. She was never knocked down.

 

All she could gather from this droning conversation with a nurse was that her leg had been seared through some nerve with a weird name, but it was  _ magically  _ healed with Brightmoon’s own power gemstone. Recharging health talk here, power of the princesses here. Blah blah blah.

 

Seemed overly complicated, and just oh so convenient that she had gotten back in time, and that the magic was able to heal her, even if she  _ did  _ need some time to heal properly.

 

It was…  _ boring.  _ Like from a ridiculous Princess fairy tale she was warned about growing up in the Hoarde… then again  _ it was the Hoarde.  _ Maybe the whole ‘magic healing is utterly ridiculous’ thing was just propaganda. Everything else she grew up with seemed to be, anyways.

 

Even the fact that their food was terrible was some sort of propaganda to show  _ just how perfect  _ the princesses got it. According to an angry Glimmer it was.

 

“-of course, and a surgical removal of the flowers can be issued through the Salineas and Ice Kingdom health branches. The Brightmoon branch is pretty old fashioned in its ways for the disease, but it's improving all the time. Now -”

 

Wait.

 

“Surgery can get rid of my cough?”

 

The nurse paused, obviously taken back by being suddenly interrupted by a patient. “Um, yeah.” She glanced at Adora over her clipboard as if she had seen a spirit princess with a hundred eyes, unleashed from the deepest cavern in the forest. “It’s the Hanahaki…”

 

Adora scrunched her nose, and it took all her self control to not stick out her tongue. Hanahaki this, Hanahaki that. 

 

Would  _ anybody _ explain what exactly this Hanahaki Disease was?

 

The nurse seemed to metaphorically shake herself off, and she continued. “You can get the flowers surgically removed - from your lungs,” she added, and Adora nearly rolled her eyes, “-and then the flowers will leave, bu-”

 

“Yes. I want that,” Adora interrupted once more, not caring for the increasingly annoyed look the nurse was sending her way. “Please,” she added, as a second thought. Glimmer had mentioned something about manners, right? 

 

The nurse nodded. “Yes, and the flowers will be removed-”

 

“In the surgery.”

 

“-but so will your feelings towards the loved one.”

 

Feelings? 

 

_ Loved one? _

 

“What?” Adora coughed.

 

The nurse sighed, and put her clipboard down on the table at the end of Adora’s hospital bed. “Hanahaki wasn't really on the course in the Hoarde. Was it.”

 

Adora stared. She knew that she was from the Hoarde? Sure, she literally transformed into a Hoarde soldier when she first introduced herself, and she still wears her Hoarde uniform… but-

 

Guess she had a reputation...

 

“I'll take that as a no.” 

 

Adora shook her head.

 

“Well, when somebody experiences unrequited love, flowers grow in a person's lungs-”

 

“What?!” Adora felt her eyes widen in horror as a hand shot up to clutch at the rough fabric on her chest. Flowers… flowers were growing inside her?! Her eyes darted rapidly between the aqua water lilies and golden clovers that were spread out on her bed from the one day she had the disease. How much more were currently growing, and curling in her veins - sprouting in her lungs right now?

 

The nurse silenced her with a cough and a pointed glare. “As I said - flowers grow inside your lungs. For a while it can be painful, and it  _ usually _ lasts for two months.”

 

Two whole months before this would pass? That was far too long for some weeds to be taking up her oxygen space. Which she needed to live, by the way!

 

“Then, after two months the flowers will grow so much that they will either suffocate the oxygen supply, or crush or collapse the lungs from the inside, and the patient dies.”

 

Adora stared, horrified. The pain of her lungs burned in her chest, and suddenly two months didn't seem  _ long enough _ . “...I'm goi- going to  _ die?” _

 

After all of Mermista's effort to get her away from the crocodile, after making sure she was brought back to the the ruin, after the doctors and nurses no doubt working tirelessly to make sure she hadn't bled out from her wounds - she was going to die anyways?

 

The flowers scraped along the sides of her lungs as she gulped for breath. Sweat began began to form on her forehead under the effort it took to  _ not  _ be blown into the frail wind of panic.

 

The nurse obviously took pity on her as she came around to the side of the bed, and sat down in the small chair that Bow had first been sitting in when Adora had first woken up. “No. You're not going to die,” she said, eyebrows drawn.

 

Adora looked up at her, eyes wet at the edge. “I'm-”

 

After a moment, the nurse shook her head, eyes like steel. “No. You can't die from this, She Ra’s spirit wouldn't allow it.” She produced a tissue from a pocket and handed it to Adora, who gladly took it to wipe at her eyes, and then her nose. “There's two things you can do to stop it.”

 

Adora nodded eagerly. “ _ Anything _ .”

 

The nurse nodded. “First option is the easier one. Surgery. As it is named, you just get a surgery to remove the flowers, but once they're removed you gain scars, and the flowers you have grown wither and die from no love to feed them. Your feelings  _ do _ go away and wither along with the flowers, but it saves your life.”

 

Adora nodded. “And the second option?”

 

The nurse frowned slightly, and leaned forward. Adora took hint and leaned slightly towards her in much the same way. “The second option takes the most courage.” She looked solemn. “Express your love to your unrequitement, and hope that they will be opened up to the possibility of loving you back.”

 

“...What happens then?”

 

The nurse leaned back after her innocent question, and Adora finally read her name tag.  _ Nurse Deern _

 

“I'm… not entirely certain. People always opt for the surgery.” She paused, as if to think. “But I have studied different cases in college, because my friend got the disease for some… guy.” Adora didn't ask why she sounded angry and upset over that. It sounded too personal. “Either your crush likes you back, the flowers fade away and the coughed up ones live long, and you live happy ever after… or-”

 

She trailed off after, but Adora filled what Nurse Deern  _ hadn't _ said in her mind. 

 

_ -Or Mermista doesn't like her back, and her condition gets worse. _

 

If she chose to tell Mermista, then she could either love her back and they'd get their happy ever after… but if she didn't… Mermista could watch Adora grow worse in her condition, and watch as she would be rushed into surgery and  _ know _ that it was she was the unrequitement.

 

Adora paused for a moment, allowing herself to fully immerse herself in Mermista's shoes in that case. She frowned as she imagined watching somebody suffer while you try to think that you could have done  _ something, _ but know in your heart that you could do nothing.  _ You can't force love. _

 

Adora knew, though, that if you confessed your love to your unrequitement and they didn't open to loving you… your condition worsened rapidly. The patient would lose all hope of the love, so why wouldn't they grow worse?

 

She… knew about this - but why? She hadn't even heard of the disease until that very morning when Bow had said it's name with such horror in his voice that she  _ knew  _ it was a bad thing.

 

...It didn't  _ have  _ to be a bad thing. Not necessarily.

 

Now she knew that she liked Mermista, instead off kicking the ball around for the rest of her life, wondering. Wondering whether her feelings were platonic, or something  _ more. _

 

_ Something  _ **_more_ ** _ that had a chance, no matter how slim it seemed. _

 

Face hardened, Adora made up her mind. She fisted her hands into the white bedsheets. “I'm going to talk to her.”

  
  


\---

  
  


Glimmer stared at her, purple eyes glinting off the low light from the little flame of magic she held in her hand. “What?”

 

“She Ra’s spirit,” Adora whispered, urging her to keep her voice down in the slim case someone heard them. Glimmer had to sneak her way in through the castle’s hospital to see her, because even if you were the princess, a patient’s time to rest was still more important. Adora was just glad that her friend was never really one to follow rules. “Nurse Deern mentioned something about it earlier. How it can heal the sword’s handler faster or something... at least, she said that it wouldn't let me die from something like the Hanahaki?”

 

Glimmer smacked herself on the forehead with her free hand. She groaned. “I suppose that makes sense. She Ra was said to either have a heroic death, or a peaceful one. It was supposed to give people hope for the future and that she would return…”

 

“...but how come Mara died like she did? She must have. Y’know, to have been able to pass the sword down to me.”

 

Glimmer dragged her hand down her face, peeking through her fingers. “I don't know. It… could have been seen as heroic? Who decides what's heroic or not.”

 

Adora paused. Who  _ did _ decide what was heroic or not…

 

“I… never really gave that much thought.” Did the sword decide? Did She Ra’s spirit? She shook her head to clear it out. “Look, all I know is that people believe in a spirit. Am I the spirit? Is it the sword, is the spirit inside me? I don't know. All I know is that… I feel  _ something _ take over me when I transform into She Ra.”

 

Glimmer froze. “You do?”

 

“Well, yeah. It was stronger the first time. Then after that, it kinda diluted itself down? I don't- I guess I got used to controlling it.”

 

The light in Glimmer's hand dimmed slightly as she looked deep in thought. “Did you get used to controlling it, or did  _ it _ decide that you were ready to control yourself?” After a while Glimmer looked up, eyes no longer glazed over. “I mean - you did kinda…  _ glow _ for the first time or two you transformed.”

 

Adora played with a loose string in the robe of her hospital gown. “I know.”

 

Glimmer raised an eyebrow. 

 

A sigh. “I know I glowed. I remember what I did those first few times… I just don't remember when I told myself to do those things.”

 

“So… She Ra’s spirit being fact rather than fiction is looking more towards fact, given the proof you have.”

 

Adora nodded.

 

“Which means?”

 

“Which means that  _ something else  _ decides whether I die or not. And when.”

 

You could have heard a catowl cry from outside over the thick silence that suspended in the room.

 

“So… does the spirit think that dying from love is peaceful or a hero's death?” 

 

She shrugged, blowing a breath to blow away the hairs that had escaped from her ponytail. “I don't know. But I can't take any chances.”

 

Glimmer's breath hitched, and she struggled to keep a hold of her flame. “You mean you're getting the surgery? But...”

 

A head shake. “No. I'm going to talk to Mermista. Only then will I know whether it was really  _ meant to be _ or not.”

 

More silence. Almost uncomfortable, but Adora was gripping the corners of her mind that were threatening to make the silence awkward.

 

“You're either incredibly stupid or incredibly brave, and I can't tell which one.”

 

“There's often a blur between those,” Adora admitted with a shrug. She could be both stupid and brave and once. “I'm still going to do it.”

 

A sigh, then a reluctant nod. Glimmer steadied her light and swapped it between her hands like a ball, fiddling with the thing she herself controlled. “Insane. Dangerous… but nothing that I don't want you to do. Mermista won't just pop in here to visit you - do you want me to give her your invite?”

 

“No. I want to do this standing up, and face to face…” she paused, moving her injured leg slightly, wincing at the stab of pain. “If that's at all possible.”

 

“Crutches.”

 

Adora stared at her. “Excuse me?”

  
  


~~~

  
  


Eden folded and packed away the last towel into the box with a tired smile. Working the night shift was hard, but at least his work with folding was done - he could go home now, and sleep. Sure, he was mostly nocturnal - deer-human hybrids usually were - but even he knew when it was better to let your body rest. 

 

Right now, his body was begging for sleep. Or another coffee.

 

A series of footsteps distracted him from his nightdreaming of coffee beans. They were quiet at first, outside the laundry room in the corridor, but then grew loud enough to wake the dead - It was growing louder and louder, closer to the door of the room.

 

Oh no.

 

The door burst open, letting a ball of glimmering light stand in the doorway, looking threatening and purely dangerous as the figure searched the room. No doubt that it was looking for bloodshed of the night.

 

Eden froze still from where he was sitting by the folding tables, not daring to move his legs in case his hooves made a sound on the tiled floor that would alert the figure, and give away his location. Fear shot through his body, and his breath caught in his throat.

 

Spirits.

 

He had escaped the forest only a few months ago to escape their incessant attacks. Why had they followed him?! He had nothing to give up anymore!

 

The figure entered the room, allowing the soft light of his work candle to illuminate it, allowing him to see the spirit as it was.

 

...Princess Glimmer?

 

Surprise swept over the Princess’s face as she spotted him cowering in fear. “Oh, um… hello-” she gave a short jaunty bow, exercising her… quite sloppy court manners. “I'm just looking for some crutches.”

 

Eden stared, then remembering himself, he gave a short jab towards the supply closet behind her, across the hall. 

 

The Princess turned around, and walked over to the door. “Oh,” she said, seeing the supply of medical equipment inside. “Thanks!”

 

Princess Glimmer gave another terrible bow out of respect, and ran off down the corridors with her newly received toys, knocking over a pile of boxes he had folded not an hour ago on her way.

 

“My towels!”

 

~~~

  
  


“Got them!”

 

Adora looked up to the door that Glimmer had run from earlier, rushing out with half-explained plans, and giving Adora a slight headache from the confusion. 

 

“Got what?”

 

“Crutches,” Glimmer said, a wide grin threatening to break her face.

 

Adora blinked at her, and after a while she realised she wasn't going to get much more of an explication. “What?”

 

“Crutches! You can use them to walk.”

 

Those two sticks could help her walk? Yeah, not likely.

 

Then again, she had doubted a lot of what Glimmer had said in the past - most of it turning out helpful, or true. Sighing, she decided to bite the hook. “How?”

 

“Well, first you just prop them under your arms. Like this-” she held the sticks under each of her arms, and proceeded to cross the room, using the sticks to walk her along instead of using her left foot, which had been allowed to hover slightly above the ground with each stride - “and you walk like that. Easy.”

 

“Easy for you to say.”

 

Glimmer rolled her eyes at her, which Adora definitely did  _ not  _ deserve. “Here, I'll help you up.” She crossed the room to the bed, and hoisted Adora off to the side once she was sitting up. Wordlessly, she handed the sticks to Adora, who wrinkled her nose.

 

It seemed a lot harder now that she had them in her hands.

 

“Um…”

 

“Yeah, you've got it.” Glimmer watched as Adora tried to stand, her leg twinging underneath her as she stood. She swayed slightly to the left, only stopping short from falling by whitened locker that stood beside the hospital bed. “...or you'll get it on the way there. Hopefully.”

 

Adora shot her eyes up to her friend who was stretching out both her hands. “What?!”

 

Glimmer lowered her hands slightly, confusion passing in her eyes. “I can transport you to Mermista's palace. I can travel to a place real easily if I can see where I'm transporting to or if I've been there before. I  _ have  _ been to Mermista's palace before. Twice,” she explained slowly.

 

She could do that? That was… pretty powerful. If she travelled the world, she could travel literally anywhere.

 

Shrugging, Adora smiled slightly. Finding out more about what Glimmer could do terrified her, and made her slightly proud. What? She was always proud for Catra when she passed a particularly hard level. How was this any different? “Okay. Alright then.”

 

Glimmer closed the gap between them in two strides, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, and the next moment found stars and pink smoke in Adora’s vision, and she held back a cough as it assaulted her tender lungs. The usual dizziness washed over her and her stomach felt like it had dropped to the floor.

 

After taking a moment or two to adjust, she finally unscrewed her eyes, and found herself staring a tired chef in the face.

 

Mermista's palace kitchen.

 

“Princess Glimmer? Princess Adora?”

 

Adora cleared her head, hearing dully as Glimmer addressed the chef. “No, just  _ Glimmer  _ and  _ Adora _ is fine.”

 

The chef nodded quickly, surprise on his face. He bowed slightly, and quickly straightened to face back to them. Obviously shocked awake from a drifted state by the sudden appearance of two of his Queen's friends. 

 

Adora tried to imagine what he must have felt like.

 

Surprise. Anger. Suddenly punching out from being shocked.

 

...yeah. She and the chef here were two very different people.

 

“What do I owe the pleasure at this hour?”

 

Adora blinked at the question, letting the question sink in, and then promptly wished that she could have slapped herself on the forehead. She managed to stop herself, to not look more ridiculous in front of a civilian.

 

Just outside the watery window over the pearl sink, the sun was just beginning to rise over the water mass in the view below. It painted the sky with red and purple streaks, like wide brushstrokes painted over the blue, and sent colour washing over the floor where it sunk past the glass.

 

Dawn.

 

They were  _ idiots. _

 

It was  _ dawn.  _ Nobody in their right minds would be up at this time!

 

Not even Mermista.

 

Glimmer must have realised at the same time she had done, if her suddenly unsure expression was anything to go by. “Would Mer- Your Majesty be up at this time?”

 

The chef nodded, slight. “Yes. Yes I do think she would be.” He looked at them solemnly. “She usually wakes up early.”

 

Glimmer shot her a look that Adora was definitely going to ignore.

 

The tingling in her lungs worsened, but Adora smothered it back. Now was not the time.

 

\---

  
  


Adora adjusted her crutches.

 

Mermista was behind this door, whether she was awake or not. This was the chance for her - but still, it could go either way.

 

Taking a deep (scratchy) breath, Adora raised her hand, hesitating, before she rapped softly at the coral door that was Mermista's bedroom. A series of footsteps, before the door opened.

 

Upon seeing her, Mermista's eyes widened in shock, before she cooled her face into a neutral mould and leaned against the doorway. Adora set her jaw, trying to drown out all of the voices screaming at her from inside her own head.

 

“Hello Adora. What do I owe the pleasure this time?”

 

“I…” Adora said, trying not to pay extra focus to the strange way that Mermista was looking at her expectantly. Cautiously.  _ Just say it _ . “I think I'm in love with you.”

 

A multitude of emotions passed over Mermista's face as her hand that was gripping the doorframe loosened slightly. Surprise, hope, confusion, and then suddenly settled on anger.

 

“Is this a sick joke?”

 

“Wha- no!” Adora felt her eyes widen, and she nearly tripped over her foot in her desperation. “I'm telling the truth!”

 

Mermista's gaze hardened. “Yeah. You found out, didn't you. And now you think it's  _ funny _ to- to come here to make fun of me?”

 

Adora blinked. “Found out about what?”

 

Mermista shook her head. “My disease… the Hanahaki - is that not why you're here?”

 

Sudden realisation began to sink into Adora’s thick skull, and a deep sense of foreboding washed over her. “You had the Hanahaki?” Mermista raised an unimpressed eyebrow, speaking more in silence than words could have. “Oh no.”

 

Mermista squinted at her. “ _ Oh no? _ What's  _ oh no?” _

 

“Don’t get me wrong - I  _ have _ come here about the Hanahaki… but not-” A cough suddenly wracked the blonde’s body, stopping her mid-sentence. The burning of her lungs alerted Adora of the foreboding petal that drifted from her lips. Blue. 

 

Mermista stared at it with muted horror. Her softened eyes snapped up to Adora.

 

“You…”

 

Adora nodded, guilt and sadness washed over her, both at once. Watching Mermista's reaction struck her in her chest, the reaction that Adora could tell from her scattered words and phrases alone. 

 

_ Mermista had the Hanahaki. _

 

_ Had.  _

 

Adora didn't want to think about the implications of that one word. If Mermista had the Hanahaki, that meant that she  _ would _ have loved her back. That meant that they  _ could _ have had a happy ending.  _ Had  _ the Hanahaki, while Adora had it now...

 

“I had the surgery,” Mermista whispered into the still air, almost to herself.

 

Adora felt the world shift around her as she spoke those words, and her thoughts were proven true.

 

She got the petals removed.

 

There's no helping them now… for what could have been.

 

Tears began to well up in her eyes as Adora tried to straighten up as best as she could with the tingling in her chest, to try and walk on unaffected. To accept her fate with a brave face so Mermista wouldn't feel bad. That was the last thing she had wanted to do… only…

 

Adora took a deep breath, a furrowed eyebrow. Testing.

 

The uncomfortable itching was gone.

 

Mermista was staring at her, an untold emotion hidden in her deep brown eyes, like a galaxy. The tingling washing away and ebbing from her with every extra breath she took.

 

But…

 

Silence rang out in the corridor, as the two took the time to be confused, with a touch of growing hope. Two gazes of blue and brown mingling halfway. But… Mermista had implied that she had the surgery. Didn't she?

 

“But… I don't understand. You…?”

 

“I  _ had _ the surgery,” she confirmed, not daring to look away. Mermista continued after a moment, finally looking down at the blue petal on the floor with a furrowed brow. “But there's been no recorded case of the feeling coming back. I don't...”

 

Adora smiled, a small pulling at her lips as she breathed deep, testing her lungs once again - only to find herself choking on nothing, breathing a pure line of oxygen. No hiccups, no tingling. No more petals. The blue petal on the floor reflected just what she needed. Hope grew larger as she shrugged, feeling light. She recalled something that Catra had said once - about a fake illness they made up to mess with Kyle when they were younger - “No recorded case means that it just hasn't happened yet. There's a first time for everything.”

 

Suddenly, lips were on hers. A quick peck, and Mermista pulled back, a look of uncertainty, before Adora was pulled towards her again by her jacket and they met halfway. 

 

Adora fluttered her eyes closed at the sensation, everything setting into place.

 

A perfect gift. A taste of sea salt and a sense of  _ completion _ . A sense of  _ home. _

 

It was  _ perfect _ .

 

Adora tilted her head to allow Mermista better leverage to deepen the kiss, which she did. She swept as tongue across chapped and bitten lips, and brought a wash of affection straight to Adora’s heart. They were just there, simply existing together.

 

Eventually, stepping back for air, the two stayed close. Disbelief was in the air, but with a twinge of joy and broken expectations.

 

The surgery was supposed to ensure that the disease never came back. To protect the unrequitor and unrequited.

 

No doubt that they were the first, their love stronger than the forces of petals and medical treatments. A love lasting ultimate lifetimes.

 

A soft shaking of Mermista's head, disbelief. “I… I think I love you too.”

 

Shared smiles, with peppered kisses.

 

Adora hadn't felt this happy since… forever.

  
  


-

 

_ i had flowers sprouting _

_ in my lungs  _

_ and now that you love me _

_ we can finally breathe _

 

_ - _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've explored the whole She Ra Spirit thing in this bc I've been re-watching avatar, and because I find it extremely interesting - even if there may or may not have been much of a reason to throw it in here. I just wanted to include it somewhere.
> 
> I'm quite likely going to write another fic including She Ra's Spirit - might even make an entire fic dedicated to it, but alas… my attention span leaves something to be desired… and yes that was a cabbage merchant reference I snuck in. :]
> 
> Anyways, this marks the end. I hope you all enjoyed it, and thank you to everybody who left a comment. They really made my day to see more in my inbox!!
> 
> @honey-bow on tumblr.


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